Siman 594

(151.) For a record — what he said to me alone, already long before, at the time I came to him from Nemrov — myself and my friend Rabbi Naftali — before Shavuos. And it seemed to me then that he was somewhat particular about the fact that I was frequenting his door too much — for I had traveled to him several consecutive times. And immediately when I entered and found him in his large room near the house of study — he gave me his greeting of peace, and said to me "forzigezund" [go in health] — and smiled a little... ...and smiled a little. Afterwards he remained sitting in the place where he sat there, near the door that faced the old house of study. And then he spoke with me and greatly consoled me. And he said to me: "How do you know what Hashem Yisburach wants to make of you? Today you are thus, and after some time you will be" etc. He answered and said: "It shall be done with you" etc. And he hinted to me that I would be in very great dangers many, many times, without measure — and almost, almost etc. — "and I will open for you the pathways of understanding — and you shall go and pour forth through all my Torah-teachings, in the way of one who pours forth into palaces — wondrous and awesome buildings." And then he explained the matter to me somewhat, and said to me: that his Torah-teachings are like one who enters a palace that has sanctuaries and chambers and colonnades and antechambers — beautiful, wondrous, and awesome, very beautiful — and ascents upon ascents, differing in ways of awesome innovations. And immediately, when one enters a certain chamber and begins to gaze at it and wonder at the wonders of the innovations within it — in the midst of this one sees that a wondrous opening is revealed to another chamber. And so from this chamber to yet another — and so from chamber to chamber, and from chamber to upper story etc. — all of them open from one to the other, with openings and windows and connectors, merged and joined one with the other in wondrous order and in deep wisdom and in the utmost beauty and splendor etc. (And all this is impossible to explain in writing — only to one who has entered somewhat into understanding the depth of the words of Rabbainu of blessed memory. Fortunate is one who merits to taste the pleasantness of the sweetness of the depths of his Torah, which has no likeness.) "But even so — it is not yet yours, only as one pours forth into those of others. But I want it to be yours completely. And also this will be." [In Yiddish: "ich vil aber zey zoln takkeh zayn dayn — vet dos auch zayn. Di meynst far dayne maasim tovim — nor varem ich vil azoy."] [You think it is for your good deeds — only because I want it so.] And then he told me of one great tzaddik who several times thought in his mind — that even if, G-d forbid, he were made ash beneath the palms of the feet of the tzaddikim etc., as our Rabbis of blessed memory said [Rosh Hashanah 17a] regarding the souls of the wicked — "whatever will be, will be" — in any event, nothing and naught would be of him. And he said in this language: "Nisht vet shoin oys mir nit zayn." And he told this for the sake of strengthening: that even the greatly great tzaddik fell in his mind several times so much that it appeared that his hope was lost, G-d forbid — until he had to revive himself and strengthen himself with this: that at least nothing would be of him. He said in this language: for certainly what our Rabbis of blessed memory said — that they become ash — certainly in that ash there will be some aspect of life. And that too is good — "for naught shall be any more of me." And it appears from his words that many, many times he revived himself with this — and was reconciled even to this: that even if, G-d forbid, it would be so, he would consent to engage in the service of Hashem with whatever he could snatch all the days of his life — and Hashem the Good will do with him what He will do, according to His good will.