אות - רי

The Rebbe said that anything he did in public was very difficult and required genuine self-sacrifice.

He told us that before he began the first word of the Kiddush (see “ His Wisdom ” #169) , he literally felt as if his soul was about to depart. The same was true when he was ready to begin the first words of a lesson. It seemed as if his soul would depart with the first word. He said, “ Vie ich vil arois lazen das ershte vort, dacht zich mir at gei ich ois – When I am ready to express the first word, I feel I am expiring.”

The Rebbe would never do such things as lead the congregation in prayer or read the Megillah or the Torah. He would not even call out the shofar notes to be sounded on Rosh HaShanah. 314 This is customarily done by the rabbi ( Pri Megadim , Mishbetzot Zahav , Orach Chaim 585:7). The only public things he would do were reciting Kiddush , singing zemirot at the Shabbat table and revealing his lessons – and even these were very difficult for him.

Even reciting the Kaddish on his mother’s yahrtzeit 315 The yahrtzeit of the Rebbe's mother, Feiga, was on 19 Adar ( Tzaddik #140). Although the year of her passing is nowhere recorded, it must have been between 5561/1801 and 5564/1804. His mother was at the wedding of his daughter, Adil, in Elul 5560 (ibid., #11), and his daughter, Feiga, named after her, died around Shabbat Nachamu 5564 (ibid., #138; Yemey Moharnat #4). There is also a tradition that the Rebbe's mother had already passed away when his uncle, Rabbi Baruch of Tulchin, began to oppose him in the summer of 5563 ( Avenehah Barzel , p. 17, #15; cf. Yemey Moharnat #3). The year 5563 itself is excluded, since the Rebbe rejoiced greatly at the wedding of his daughter, Sarah, on 1 Nisan, less than two weeks after 19 Adar ( Tzaddik #13). We also find that the Rebbe kept his mother's yahrtzeit in both Adars, indicating that she did not die in a leap year (Tzaddik #140; Shach , Yoreh Dei'ah 402:12). The year 5562 was a leap year and is therefore eliminated. This leaves 5561 as the only possible year for her passing. Therefore, we can fix the date of his mother's passing as 19 Adar 5561 (March 4, 1801). It is interesting to note that there is no mention of his saying Kaddish for his father. According to Breslov oral tradition, Rabbi Simchah outlived his son. was a very hard experience for him.